Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
