Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
