i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
