Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
