Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
