Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
