I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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