she woke up with a sticky ear
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We have so much sex to catch up on
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
