Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
