Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
