Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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