I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
