i was born a porn star she said
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
