You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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