Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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