I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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