I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
