So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
