You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
