Have you finally orgasmed yet?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
false alarm, still single
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
