Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
