went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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