the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
