It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
