Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
