Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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