you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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