Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
