If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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