i need an iv and a liver transplant
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
