you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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