Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
