I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
