I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
