I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
