I must be too annoying 4 u.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
