No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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