i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
