i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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