Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
