I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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