I got chris browned last night
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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