I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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