This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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