it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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