She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
