Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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