Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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