I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
