Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
